I think the title speaks for itself. However, it's worth further assessing the phenomenon of people enjoying and valuing being liked. This attention-seeking, needy behavior is cross-generational but the form in which people seek to be liked has evolved. We've gone from the simple complement from a stranger about our outfit or a pat on the back about a job well done at our job to now posting all the nitty, gritty details of our daily living just for the chance that someone will give us a thumbs up or a heart on our favorite social media platform. What does any of this mean? It means, like my choices, like my interest, like who I hang out with which ultimately signals...like me!
Some may argue, I don't care if people like me or not and I am not in anyone's head so I'll take that declaration at face value. But you can't argue, that to some degree, people enjoy being liked because it makes like easier. It's much easier to live at home with a spouse that likes you because they may be kinder towards you. It's easier to get your kids to cooperate with your demands when you get them to do a little something that you like. Not to mention, it is simple agonizing to get up everyday and work with that annoying boss or those backstabbing co-workers that you can't stand, yet you figure out a way to get along with them because if they like you, there will be less discord which makes a more positive experience. Who came blame you for wanting peace in the places where you spend most of your waking hours.
Let's not discount if you live alone and work from home. Could you imagine your world of being isolate if you are constantly faced with yourself and you don't like what you see from your reflection? Although like should never be a source of self-esteem, seeking to be liked can be a source of harmony and function when it is placed properly in context. For example, I need to be liked by my mom friends in order for our children to get together outside of school hours for playdates. I am intentionally pleasant to create those opportunities for my daughter. However, I do have a line. I don't put on a show. I don't pretend to be something that I am not. I don't and will not pretend to have more than what I have because I don't buy friends.
Like is shallow so if you don't like someone or if someone doesn't like you, I think it's okay. It doesn't feel good to be rejected but it's important to know that like is quite transactional and it is dependent upon you providing a feeling, an object, or an experience for someone else to inspire them to like you. If the person you are dealing with, thinks in a black and white manner, they either like you or they don't. A person who works in the grey area may say, I like you but I don't like what you did and come to the table to negotiation/re-negotiate the terms of the relationship contract. These are the things I can compromise on and these are the absolute must-haves for us to go on.
I don't think anyone should do anything to be liked to the point of loosing themselves or compromising their morals, values, and integrity but I do think like has it's function. Everything in it's right place with reason and moderation. We'll further explore the necessity of being liked on the an upcoming podcast episode. Stay tuned!
-Delliah