When I started graduate school, I remember putting so much pressure on myself out of the fear of failure when writing my first paper which was a community immersion piece. I made an appointment with the writing center and during my appointment I cried. The tutor asked me to read my paper and after a few sentences, she stopped me. I remember her saying, “Clearly you have a strong command of the English language so, what specific questions do you have?” Honestly, her statement was reassuring to me. As I reflect back on that moment, I realize that my hesitance and fear were directly related to my low self-esteem at the time. When I was in grade school, I never thought of myself as a smart person. Honestly, I never thought I would seek education beyond college. I only went to college because essentially, my parents told me (from the time I was in 3rd grade) I had to move out when I turned 18 and my options were to go to college or get a job. College seemed to be the more feasible option in terms of supporting myself. Although initially I was driven by fear, after entering into graduate school, it was the hope of a more promising career in the future that drove me to apply to graduate school.
Psychology Today makes other keen points on what makes perfectionism unhealthy such as “shrugging off compliments,” looking to “specific people in their life for approval and validation” or “not celebrating successes” [2]. Additionally, Psychology Today breaks down the three domains of perfectionism as self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially-prescribed. In my professional career, I have encountered colleagues whose perfectionism is socially-prescribed and my interactions with them have been problematic. Being a self-oriented perfectionist at times, I have triggered socially-prescribed perfectionist. In my experience, they become competitive fearing that I am a threat to their self-perceived image as being “all knowing” or “most competent.” If only people of this orientation knew how little people actually think of them, I think they would have a better understanding of how self-inflicting their insecurities are and how they project these insecurities upon others. Nevertheless, aren’t the great inventors of the world and the people who invoke change in our society perfectionist? After all, it is the perfectionist who chases paradigms of what could be…
There are two quotes that summarize how I perceive perfectionism to function in an adaptive way: “Make your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears”-Nelson Mandela
“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept”-Angela Davis.
Resources:
Psychology Today - Which Type of Perfectionist Are You?
psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201502/which-type-perfectionist-are-you
How Other-Oriented Perfectionism Differs from Self-Oriented and Socially Prescribed Perfectionism:
link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10862-015-9485-y
The relationship between socially prescribed perfectionism and depression: The mediating role of maladaptive cognitive schemas:
researchgate.net/publication/257715260_The_relationship_between_socially_prescribed_perfectionism_and_depression_The_mediating_role_of_maladaptive_cognitive_schemas