You may be wondering why I chose to speak about adversity or you may find it to be a timely topic. My experiences with adversity, as far as I can remember, stem back to elementary school. I think school in general helps you prepare for real-world obstacles. Perhaps that's why they say that high school never ends.
If I had to think of one of my most significant first moments of coping with adversity, as silly as it may sound, it most likely started in middle school. I was so happy to finally reach the end of my 6th grade year so that I may tryout for the cheerleading squad. My maternal older sister (10 years my senior) was a cheerleader in high school. Every since I attended their summer cheer camp for elementary school children, I knew I wanted to be a cheerleader in middle school and high school. To my astonishment, at the end of my 6th grade year, I not only made the team but I was voted the co-captain of the cheerleading squad leading to my 7th grade year. It was a grave disappointment when my parents told me that summer that we were moving to Texas. At my new middle school, I had to wait until the end of 7th grade to tryout for the cheerleading squad. Unfortunately, I fell ill with a stomach bug the day of 8th grade tryouts after I threw up in the cafeteria. It would be another 2 years at the end of my 9th grade year before I could tryout for cheerleading again. In the meantime, I enjoyed being a flautists in the middle school band and high school marching band. I even had a short stint as a majorette in 7th grade.
When tryouts came around, it was no easy feat. I had to receive high remarks in teacher recommendations before trying out in front of judges, Once I made it past the judges, I felt pretty accomplished but there was the last 15% of my score that determined whether I would make the team. I was required to tryout in front of the entire school (9th-12th grade). The student body would vote for the students they wanted to represent their school. At the end of my freshman year of high school, I finally made the sheer leading squad and went on to cheer my sophomore and junior year before taking a hiatus my senior year to just enjoy life. What was so cool about that experience was we competed with other squads on a national level (like the movie "Bring it On!") and my first year cheering we ranked 3rd in the nation!
What was the point of this whole cheer story. Well for me, it was the first time I learned to cope with delayed gratification. I had to be disciplined, focused, and determined in order not to give up on my dream. I continue to carry these attributes to this day when setting goals. As a matter of fact, most things that I invest my time in actualize in long-term gain rather than short-term. As the late great Langston Hughes wrote, "A dream deferred is not a dream denied." So I choose to keep on dreaming.
Nevertheless, in adulthood, as I mention in this podcast episode. I have had experiences where someone I looked up to was trying to deter me from my dream. I never forgot what my mother told me when I was in my early 20's...
"Sometimes people, they don’t treat you bad or they’re not intimidated by you by what you have in the moment. It’s what they see you becoming”-Mom
I have had some truly stressful moments when I was getting my feet wet in the field of social work. I experienced many supporters. However, I remember times where people I worked with or under made false statements about me to make me look bad. Or times when people went out of their way to not acknowledge my contributions in efforts to marginalize the positive impact my work had on the organization or others. These are the times that have helped me build resilience. The things that used to hurt me make me laugh now. It just reminds me of the song, "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson.
“You can grow from stress when you reframe stress as a challenge because it can make you more focused than fearful”
I will end this blog with lyrics from Human Nature by Michael Jackson. I encourage you to play the song as you reflect on times you have dealt with adversity.
Human Nature. by Michael Jackson:
Chorus:
If they say, why, why? Tell 'em that is human nature
Why, why does he do me that way?
If they say, why, why? Tell 'em that is human nature
Why, why does he do me that way?
I like livin' this way, I like lovin' this way
https://geniuslyrics.net/michael-jackson/human-nature/
Resources:
Do we Actually Grow from Adversity?
https://theconversation.com/do-we-actually-grow-from-adversity-122252
Emotional Well-Being: The Benefits of Adversity
https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/emotional-wellbeing-benefits-of-adversity
Center for the Developing Child Harvard University
Resilience
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/
Center for the Developing Child Harvard University
Toxic Stress
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/toxic-stress/
Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence
On Balance: 5 Ways That Adversity Makes You Stronger
